Future Career Options for this Stay at Home Mom

I'm writing about something that's a sensitive topic for me, one that I could struggle over a lot and get down about it.  Instead I'm choosing to make light of it and see the possible funny or fun side of it.

I'm a stay at home mom and presently also a homeschooling mom. The only income I make is the savings to our family from not having 3, soon to be 4, kids in childcare. I did not heroically give up ivy league degrees, law school, or being a doctor or nurse to stay at home with my babies.  My job, if I had one, would not cover the expenses of nannies, daycare, preschools, and after school child care for 4 kids.

When my husband and I were married 8 years ago we quit our jobs to go overseas and learn a foreign language together. We didn't marry each other for one or the other's impressive careers and earnings. Almost immediately we found out we were having our first baby.  After about 6 months we returned home and Jeremy started back in his old career in the same job. I used the time to complete my interdisciplinary bachelor's degree in "ministry" and humanities, when I was about 8 months pregnant. At the age of 33 I had my firstborn baby girl. In the early years of our marriage we could afford college classwork, Chinese language tutoring, and other schools or classes...

It is now 8 years later and I am expecting our fourth baby at the age of 40. It has been over 8 years that I haven't had a job. The last time I looked at a job description requirement or talked to a hiring specialist, most are not asking for 8 or more years of stay at home mom work experience. I have filled pages and pages of my journal with career ideas and options for the future, and still don't know what I'm doing with my life. Here's some of my options, and these are not jokes, they are very real options and goals I have thought about over the years:

1. I can get a job at my local grocery store. In fact, it happens to be the same store I worked at for my first job at the age of 15, serving coffee, breakfast and fried chicken in the deli, bussing tables and washing dishes.

2. I can work at a coffee shop. They may even let me bake pastries since I've had over 8 years of experience baking goodies for my family.

3. I can always try at starting my own business since I've had over 8 years experience of being the only boss and no business is going to hire a stay at home mom anyways (though I know nothing about selling things to people).

4. Write a book and get it published (that was my husband's idea).

5. Teach English as a Second or Foreign Language (if my bachelor's degree is good enough, I don't know much about that but I'm sure someone could tell me).

6. Move our family again, to Western China this time, or in the Himalayan Mountains, and start a cafe or bread & breakfast hospitality business with my husband (he could work remotely and continue his I.T. work over there).

Being a stay at home mom these days is not only unheard of but very difficult. The whole world wants to shame her and it's difficult for her to feel that she belongs, contributes to society, and is smart. And of course, there's the many voices saying that all of that is actually true - you don't belong, you are not smart, and you don't contribute a thing.

Re-entering the working world is one of the scariest things I can imagine. I wonder if it is as difficult economy-wise as it was in the early 2000's and if it has gotten even worse since then. Is it as difficult now as it was back then to find jobs and to actually be hired, and what would I do in an emergency?

The truth is that my life, instead of being devastated, is absolutely blessed. I am so lucky to have all these sweet children and my husband who actually loves me. Oh I know, everyone would tell me that real women can do both - have a successful career and have children at the same time. Shouldn't have to choose between one or the other. Financially though, we did have to choose. It's fine, they can think whatever they want to about me.  But they still can't take away the fact that I have a beautiful and amazing family.

Hello

It's been so long since I've written a new blog post or anything for that matter, that I am just writing something now. I went to a ladies retreat about a month and half ago and spent some time journaling and dreaming. Jeremy and I started taking Chinese lessons again in September and we have been relearning all that we had learned in 2008, using a different curriculum with our new teacher in Rochester. We are very excited about this and hope to gain full fluency in the language, but lately I have realized that in order for this request or goal to be honored and come to pass I need to remember to put my family first. My new goal is to spend more time investing in the lives of my husband and our children, and then they will be far more happier. We may then discover more stress-free times to study our Chinese and gain more fluency. I need to be content with going at a slower pace, and realize that maybe this time around in the learning process I can learn more thoroughly instead of a frantic, rush pace. That's all for now. I hope to blog more in future days, but I can't promise anything fancy :)

- Lisa

Graduating from school

In May we celebrated the graduation from our school we attended all this year at our church Destiny, and it was exciting because we were being sent out as Daniels into the world and marketplace (see the Bible book of Daniel). It also reminded me (Lisa) of a similar time graduating from a first year school of ministry in Toronto years ago. Just like our school this year, it was for training lay people in non-traditional callings (not so much for those interested in entering a full-time ministry for their vocations). I haven't kept up with that church and school, but in 1996 it was a brand new school and I was blessed to be part of such an exciting beginning and an amazing experience at tacf. God did so much in my heart in that time and through that organization that I would not be in the place I am today or serving the Lord.

If you have ever read the book of Daniel, it is about a young man who serves God and who is sent to Babylon under King Nebuchednezzar's rulership, who is known to be one of the most evil and brutal kings in history who eventually turns and bows down to acknowledge God as the one true God of the universe. God used Daniel in the turning of this kings' heart in miraculous ways and through the interpretation of his dreams, something all the wise men of his kingdom could not do. Daniel was a man of God who lived in an extremely worldly and ungodly culture. No one worshipped God. He was able to live in such a way that he served and stood for God no matter what and eventually he influenced that world's culture more than they were ever able to touch his heart and influence him, because his heart was courageous for God and depended on Him completely. This is exciting that we were commissioned in the same way in our world. And it is exactly how Jeremy and I are raising our kids.

~Lisa

Our Dating Anniversary

This past Sunday Jeremy and I celebrated our "first date" anniversary. Our good friends Jon and Stacie and their two boys babysat Annalise. Two years ago it would have been the day after the 4th of July. We were going to go out to coffee and talk about the adventure ahead for Jeremy's leave for China, but we ended up in a late evening candlelight dinner at the Redwood Room. This anniversary is almost more important than our wedding anniversary. If we had not had this first date we would not have been married, and little Annalise would not be here today! First dates are so important, you may never know the lifelong changes ahead for you! And for us, they have been all good and all blessings.

We've had an exciting adventure this past year of living in the US. We've been renting from our good friends Josh and Stephanie while they all went on to California for the BSSM. I think we have grown alot this past year and feel led to stay another year in Rochester. Especially now that there will be a DSSM. We are both applying. It will work out so well with our schedules, especially with being able to find babysitters for Annalise for the two evenings a week that the school is meeting.