Introducing Gabriella Rose

I've made it a tradition to write birth stories or at least a few notes about the births of each of my children. No matter how many times I'm told that once I have more than two or three I won't have baby books for all of them, or that somehow it gets easier once you get past three kids...none of that is true for me. It is incredibly challenging having four children under the age of seven. We are doing the best we can, but I know we're far from the most competent, expert parents out there. We don't assume with arrogance that we can handle anything. We're crying out to God for help!

Gabriella's birth is different from the first three kiddos because I had to be induced. I tried all kinds of natural remedies to go into labor before the induction date, but we still ended up arriving at the hospital in the early morning. It felt funny to be strolling into labor and delivery without labor contractions.  I was soon hooked up to an IV with fluids and pitocin to synthetically start it all. Jeremy and I were prepared with essential oils to help progress labor quickly and help with pain management, but a few hours later these contractions were not like normal labor contractions I've been very familiar with from my previous three babies. Baby still had a high head station and was not progressing down to the birth canal. The birth was beginning to not be so natural and unmedicated as I had planned, the epidural was called in for pain management.  Finally the obstretrician, a very pleasant woman, recommended a repeat c-section due to an "arrest of descent" and heart rate issues of the baby during contractions. My midwife had actually advised no more pushing and had me lying on my left side and breathing oxygen for the baby. It was not going well, so I was relieved by that evening to finally hear that I needed the c-section.

Maybe I was supposed to fight the c-section and maybe I didn't seem so brave being relieved that I no longer had to work for hours longer trying to push a baby out of me...I was minutes away from meeting her. We were wheeled into operating and not much later I heard her first cries as she was lifted out. I got to hold her as she looked up at me from under her blanket. Jeremy was there with us through the whole thing. He had to wear a scrubs outfit in order to be in there with us.

We named her right away because we knew her name fit as soon as we saw her, it means the strength of God. We've been experimenting with many little knicknames that come out of that name, including "Gabby." Her middle name is Rose. We like old-fashioned sounding names alot.

We were wheeled back to our labor and delivery room with Gabby in my arms, where she could breastfeed for the first time. There was all the essential oil bottles lined up in a row on the bedside table. The hospital staff all remarked what a nice smelling room it was. My birth plan turned out not quite as natural as I had planned for, but God gave us a beautiful baby girl who is feeding and growing fast.

Future Career Options for this Stay at Home Mom

I'm writing about something that's a sensitive topic for me, one that I could struggle over a lot and get down about it.  Instead I'm choosing to make light of it and see the possible funny or fun side of it.

I'm a stay at home mom and presently also a homeschooling mom. The only income I make is the savings to our family from not having 3, soon to be 4, kids in childcare. I did not heroically give up ivy league degrees, law school, or being a doctor or nurse to stay at home with my babies.  My job, if I had one, would not cover the expenses of nannies, daycare, preschools, and after school child care for 4 kids.

When my husband and I were married 8 years ago we quit our jobs to go overseas and learn a foreign language together. We didn't marry each other for one or the other's impressive careers and earnings. Almost immediately we found out we were having our first baby.  After about 6 months we returned home and Jeremy started back in his old career in the same job. I used the time to complete my interdisciplinary bachelor's degree in "ministry" and humanities, when I was about 8 months pregnant. At the age of 33 I had my firstborn baby girl. In the early years of our marriage we could afford college classwork, Chinese language tutoring, and other schools or classes...

It is now 8 years later and I am expecting our fourth baby at the age of 40. It has been over 8 years that I haven't had a job. The last time I looked at a job description requirement or talked to a hiring specialist, most are not asking for 8 or more years of stay at home mom work experience. I have filled pages and pages of my journal with career ideas and options for the future, and still don't know what I'm doing with my life. Here's some of my options, and these are not jokes, they are very real options and goals I have thought about over the years:

1. I can get a job at my local grocery store. In fact, it happens to be the same store I worked at for my first job at the age of 15, serving coffee, breakfast and fried chicken in the deli, bussing tables and washing dishes.

2. I can work at a coffee shop. They may even let me bake pastries since I've had over 8 years of experience baking goodies for my family.

3. I can always try at starting my own business since I've had over 8 years experience of being the only boss and no business is going to hire a stay at home mom anyways (though I know nothing about selling things to people).

4. Write a book and get it published (that was my husband's idea).

5. Teach English as a Second or Foreign Language (if my bachelor's degree is good enough, I don't know much about that but I'm sure someone could tell me).

6. Move our family again, to Western China this time, or in the Himalayan Mountains, and start a cafe or bread & breakfast hospitality business with my husband (he could work remotely and continue his I.T. work over there).

Being a stay at home mom these days is not only unheard of but very difficult. The whole world wants to shame her and it's difficult for her to feel that she belongs, contributes to society, and is smart. And of course, there's the many voices saying that all of that is actually true - you don't belong, you are not smart, and you don't contribute a thing.

Re-entering the working world is one of the scariest things I can imagine. I wonder if it is as difficult economy-wise as it was in the early 2000's and if it has gotten even worse since then. Is it as difficult now as it was back then to find jobs and to actually be hired, and what would I do in an emergency?

The truth is that my life, instead of being devastated, is absolutely blessed. I am so lucky to have all these sweet children and my husband who actually loves me. Oh I know, everyone would tell me that real women can do both - have a successful career and have children at the same time. Shouldn't have to choose between one or the other. Financially though, we did have to choose. It's fine, they can think whatever they want to about me.  But they still can't take away the fact that I have a beautiful and amazing family.

Nesting

What does a typical week or two of nesting look like in the life of an almost 8 month pregnant lady?  Constant vacuuming and dusting of everything in sight, killing spiders, asking hubby to dust the high door frames & ceiling fan. Constant organizing of the kitchen, pantry, and all bedroom closets. Cleaning up the yard and raking up old leaves we missed last fall. Visiting the brush dump and recycling old junk. Making several Savers & Salvation Army drop-offs as I purge the house of unneeded furniture, clothes, and toys. Unpack baby clothes and hang or place in dresser drawers. Set up a baby changing station. Stock the first aid kit and buy extra band-aids and peroxide for the summer. Make the kids doctor check-up appointments when needed. Get husband, son, and dog groomed (all within the same pay period). Clean and organize infant and kids' toys separately. Clean and vacuum the van, launder the kids car seat liners, and put them all back into van with the infant seat in the middle, ready just in case I "go early" even though the midwives and nurses all remind me I have not gone early in previous pregnancies. Clean the baby swing and exercauser so they are ready in time. Set up comfy nursing stations and chairs, one upstairs and one downstairs in the living room. Set up the crib, wash, and air bedding and mattress. Clean up a few bat turds in the attic space. Clean the dryer vent. Dry the basement from puddles of water from springtime snow melts and rains. Repair window screens for the summer.

And at the end of one day, my two-year old boy finally decides to go potty in the toilet by himself. From downstairs we hear the toilet flush. Next, a naked Hudson appears at the top of the stairs and walks down holding the banister as always. At the bottom of the stairs he proceeds to climb up onto the banister rail and perch on top of the bottom pedestal naked, it's a combination of hilarity as well as serious danger. He is about 4 feet above the hard tiles of the entryway and could die if he fell on his head. I end up putting a heavy, potted plant on the pedestal to keep him off, so just in case he tries it again I will at least have a warning crash to know ahead of time what he is doing. Next I need to think some more about how I am going to take care of a newborn while making sure my toddler and little girl survive and thrive. I wish I knew some clear, serious advice on how mothers of many children accomplish this.

What will they do without toys

Here is a short list of what my children will do when they are bored with toys...excessive amounts of toys.

1. Dump all toys in baskets or bins onto the floor and trip poor pregnant Mommy while I hop into the empty baskets and sail in my boats.
2. Dump as many clean towels I can find in the bathroom into the bathtub and turn on the water.
3. Make a jumprope out of toilet paper, or stuff as much toilet paper under my chin as possible until I have a billowy blouse, and then look up when I hear my name sternly called to see all the nice, clean toilet paper drop onto a wet bathroom floor.
4. Empty a jumbo size bag of shredded cheese all over the dining room floor, for Jasper, and then walk through it.  That pretty candle holder needed some cheese dumped inside it too.
5. Try on as many underpants, pants, skirts, shirts, and dresses as I can find in my dresser, and then be unable to take it all off and put back into my dresser when I am done.
6. Remove all the couch cushions from both couches, at least 10 large cushions, and play bakery.  The cushions are giant loaves of bread we are baking.  Next we take turns jumping from the couch into the cushions. We are such a busy bakery this must happen at least 6 times every day.
7. Wash books in the sink with soap, toothpaste, and water.
8. Get rags wet and wipe mirrors

     As you can see, children do not need a huge amount of toys in order to play, interact with each other, and have fun.  They have imaginations, and in many instances they are just trying to be helpful and responsible.

Pregnancy and Motherhood

     In our last pregnancy centering group session, we were gathered in a circle as everyone talked about the pregnancy hormones that lead us to cry over different things we may not have cried over or been so emotional about before being pregnant.  Different ladies talked about things that had made them cry recently such as certain commercials on TV or baby animals, etc.  I could relate to none of these things, and we went home.  A few days later I found myself at the Children's Museum with my 2 kiddos as we met up with some other friends of ours that afternoon.  There was a particular little girl about age 2 who had a very snotty nose and some type of food, crayon or marker on her face.  And that was the moment when I just wanted to cry as my pregnancy mothering hormones kicked in.  I wanted to just scoop her up, give her hugs and kisses, snotty nose and grime and all!  Normally, my first instinct as a mother is to get a rag and wipe that little child's face, but I really didn't think of that once this time.  I just enjoyed being around such a precious little angel and now I can't wait to have another little baby girl of my own again, messes and all.  All I have to do is think of that sweet little face and I want to cry all over again.  I am so happy that I am getting another little girl.

     The second time my pregnancy hormones kicked in this week happened as I was getting the baby's room ready and unpacking the boxes of girl clothes that used to be Annalise's when she was a baby.  I simply turned to look at the small plastic play kitchen in the corner of the room and I got the image in my mind of a nine-month old beginning to pull up, toddle around and explore.  I could see cute little chubby legs, a diaper, and arms slowly and carefully reaching out to touch everything within grasp of those chubby little hands.  And then I saw a big plop as the baby lost her balance, landing on her cushy, diaper bottom.  Next is a wrinkled face and a big "waaaah" with arms outstretched, waiting for someone to hug and comfort.  It was at that moment I felt like crying myself as I thought of how relieving it is to comfort a crying baby.  Later I thought of how God as Father gives his children the freedom to explore their surroundings, and when they lose balance the first few times and plop on their butts He is there to pick them up and comfort them.  He reassures his children, but then gently encourages to get back up and keep exploring, building their confidence so that they are less afraid next time.  How silly of us to get mad at God and think He is somehow responsible when we fall on our butts.  Rather than doing it all for us, He simply gives the freedom to fall and plop that so we learn how to walk and succeed at it.

                   

Pictures from this past year